Dear Everyone,
It’s only been a little over a week since leaving Nashville, TN, United States, North America, America, Western Hemisphere, Earth, for this leg of the Hot Summer Nights Tour ’11, but we’ve already found ourselves in some hairy situations. Turbo Lover entered the Skyhammer in a Georgia Tech demolition derby death match (a GTDDDM, if you will)… where she got her right ear ripped off. Kilroy won controlling stock in FanGamer in a no-holds-barred arm-wrestling death match (a NHBAWDM, if you still will)… And every member of the band was beaten in the Conway Twitty “Conway’s Latest Greatest Hits; Volume I – contains the new hit single: “Ain’t She Somethin’ Else” Stare-Off of Death 2011 (Henceforth known as a CTCLGH;VI-CTNHS:”ASSE”S-OoD-11).
Seriously, go look at that album cover and try to make yourself believe you could beat a stare like Conway’s.
And now: The answer to the question that every single one of you have been sending to our electronic mailbox machine (don’t be acting like you didn’t email us about it… I’m pretty sure you drunk emailed us or something. Seriously… the things you said…): <------No, that isn't an emoticon.
Q:\> Capcom Ceasifying and Desisterizing The Protomen?
A:\> Absolutely not. The Capcom/Protomen Cease and Desist Letter Fiasco ’11 (CPCDLF11) is a complete hoax. A not-so-thought-out one, for that matter, but we really appreciate the effort. For those of you who bit into that chicken leg, shame on you for thinking we’d go down that easily. We’ve got a lot more sass than all that. Furthermore, Capcom has been nothing but nice to us since we got this beast rolling (even though we stole Seth Killian’s megaphone). Now, I can’t speak for the game cancellations, but the general vitriol surrounding Capcom at the moment needs to end. We understand that it’s upsetting to see a game you’ve been waiting for get cancelled at the last minute, but maybe now is the time to focus on letting them know how much we all need that Protomen/Man Game to be made… (OK, I think that’s enough self promotion and exploitation of a situation for one email).
As for the untimely destruction of the ProtoSite, We’re investigating suspects and have narrowed it down to these possibilities:
1. The Player Vs Performer 2011 tour currently battling it out on the east coast collided with the Hot Summer Nights ProtoTour causing a hurricane of nerdery so powerful that it took down our broadcast HQ off the coast of Florida.
2. The Megas hacked our site during a break in their recording schedule for their new album, “I Wanna Be The One.” Here is a leaked mp3 of that album’s title track.
3. Whitney Houston hacked our site because she’s livid that Murphy Weller was cast instead of her in the hotly anticipated sequel to Waiting To Exhale. Waiting To Exhale II: Still Waiting.
Now on to more important and real news… The August West Coast Of America Tour!
Since our recent perceived bout with near death, we’ve decided it best to rename the next leg of our 2011 tour, “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now,” in honor of our dear friends in Starship.
JULY – Hot Summer Nights ’11 Pt 2.
26th – Wilmington, NC – Soapbox Laundro-Lounge
27th – Greenville, NC – Live Bar
29th – Wilmington, DE – World Cafe
30th – Baltimore, MD – Bourbon Street Ballroom – BitGen Festival
31st – Asheville, NC – Bele Chere Festival
AUGUST – Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now
04th – Indianapolis, IN – GenCon – (hanging out)
05th – Indianapolis, IN – GenCon – (hanging out)
06th – Indianapolis, IN – GenCon – (we play this day)
07th – Indianapolis, IN – GenCon – (hanging out)
13th – St. Louis, MO – 2720 Cherokee
15th – Oklahoma City, OK – Conservatory
16th – Houston, TX – Super Happy Fun Land
17th – Austin, TX – Emo’s
18th – San Antonio, TX – Jack’s
21st – Los Angeles, CA – Blue Star —- 18+
23rd – San Francisco, CA – Kimo’s
24th – Portland, OR – Lola’s – Act I
25th – Portland, OR – Lola’s – Act II
26th – Seattle, WA – El Corazon
28th – Seattle, WA – Post-PAX Party
29th – Vancouver, BC – Biltmore Cabaret
30th – Spokane, WA – A Club
SEPTEMBER
01st – Winnipeg, MB, Canada – IA – Pyramid 7
03rd – Davenport, IA – Redstone
Get excited about the new shows, but don’t you dare forget about the last 5 shows of our Hot Summer Nights Tour ’11. We have some of the most ferocious shows of the tour coming up… like two different Wilmingtons, the ever lovely Greenville, NC, Baltimore’s ferocious BitGen Fest, and Bele Chere Festival.
In other news, our Act I Record release show was amazingly sold out thanks to many of you. That night, we unveiled the 12″ and a new fancy shirt that you need. The first run of about a thousand records are nearly gone, so if you want one, you’d better try like hell to get to one of our shows in the next few weeks.
I’d like to tell you more of our deepest darkest secrets, but I’m riding in the bus right now on the way to Chapel Hill, NC and my fingers are bouncing around the keyboarfgsfgd’h'go.
Let ‘em say we’re crazy.
-Commander
Tags: Protomen News by The Protomen
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On the night of July 9th, we’re going to play a special show in Nashville, Tennessee, America, Earth, to celebrate the the fact that it’s taken us nearly 6 years to release our first album, “The Protomen” (Act I), as a 12″ LP. This special edition first pressing of 1,000 will be colored vinyl (split blue/red), and will include a 22″ x 22″ foldout poster of never-before-seen first album concept artwork, as well as a 10″ x 10″ stencil (so you can tag all kinds of “things that you own”). This limited version will also have the original endings of multiple jams (future pressings will not). Get them when you can. Because of the fancy nature of this occasion, we decided to ask our good friends The Non-Commissioned Officers to join us for party and tea. They accepted! This night will be the most fun.
Now, I know most of you may be wondering, “when can a person like me, who lives in Egypt, order one or twenty of those records on the lines?” The answer you seek lies here: The LP will not be available online until the morning after the release show at 10am Central (availability will depend on how many survive the night). And if all that isn’t enough to get you all riled up booking tickets for all sorts of planes and your fancy rocket ships, maybe this will do the deed. We’ve decided to attempt a sort of live DVD (and maybe album?) recording for that night. And maybe you can be all up in it? Exciting, right?
Now, I don’t want you coming around me with all your fancy lad sassin’ trying to tell me that you don’t want to come to the show because you’re too much of a fancy lad to be in our live DVD, because that’ll obligate me to punch you right in your fancy lad sassin’ face. Nobody wants that. Come on out to the show. Get your limited edition vinyl record of our first album. Listen to us and the Non-Coms. And don’t piss me off —> Get Your Tickets Here
Now, with all that out of the way, it’s time to show you some of the places we’re looking to go in the next couple of months. And make sure you get your tickets quickly, because most of these will sell out. For reals -
JUNE
02nd – Memphis, TN – Newby’s — 18+
03rd – Dallas, TX – The Prophet Bar — ALL AGES
04th – Houston, TX – Free Press Summer Fest — ALL AGES
06th – New Orleans, LA – One Eyed Jacks — 18+
JULY
09th – Nashville, TN – 12th and Porter
14th – Chattanooga, TN – JJ’s Bohemia
15th – Atlanta, GA – Under The Couch
16th – Orlando, FL – Nerdapalooza — (We play Act I) Ticket Price goes up on June 1st.
17th – Orlando, FL – Nerdapalooza — (We play Act II) Ticket Price goes up on June 1st.
19th – Sarasota, FL – The Cock & Bull
20th – Gainesville, FL – 1982
21st – Jacksonville, FL – Jack Rabbits
22nd – Savannah, GA – The Wormhole
23rd – Columbia, SC – New Brookland Tavern
25th – Chapel Hill / Durham, NC – TBA
26th – Wilmington, NC – Soapbox Laundro-Lounge
27th – Greenville, NC – Live Bar
29th – Wilmington, DE – World Cafe
30th – Baltimore, MD – Bourbon Street Ballroom – BitGen Festival
31st – Asheville, NC – Bele Chere Festival
And as for all those TBAs in there….keep your good eye locked on our TOUR PAGE. It will keep you informed.
A hard rain’s gonna fall.
-Commander
Tags: Protomen News by The Protomen
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We’re chin deep in learning the path of the brave at Kamp Kikakee at the moment, so this is going to be quick and dirty:
NEXT WEDNESDAY 5/25/11
We got a call the other day from some dame that claimed she was the hawttest of hawt sensations in the 80s. We thought it was Uncle “Stinky Thumbs” Arbuckle pranking us again, but we were wrong. It turns out she is the most real Tiffany of all the Tiffanies that we’ve ever spoken to. She said she wanted us to be her date to the 5/25 party at fooBAR.too in Nashville, America. How could we say “no”? We couldn’t, that’s how. It’s going to be The Awesomest.
TIFFANY & PROTOMEN
@fooBAR.too
21+ 9:00 p.m.
GET TICKETS WHILE THEY STILL EXIST
A couple weeks after that, we’ll be visiting the hot hot mess that is Texas, America. Much like the Tiffany situation, we got a conference call from Ween, Chromeo, Big Boi, and the guys in Guitar Wolf (although we couldn’t understand them) about joining their fun time weekend in Houston at Free Press Summer Fest on June 4th. We took their physical challenge. We’ll be visiting some favorite cities en route as well. Come out to all the shows….maybe you’ll make it into the documentary?!
JUNE
02nd – Memphis, TN – Newby’s — 18+
03rd – Dallas, TX – The Prophet Bar — ALL AGES
04th – Houston, TX – Free Press Summer Fest — ALL AGES
06th – New Orleans, LA – One Eyed Jacks — 18+
There are only a few of them, so we’d better see you at every one.
As for July, well, let’s not spoil Christmas for you just yet. Let’s just say it might have some other tours and maybe the release of a new format of something old and maybe a live DVD taping. More details soon…maybe.
Guaranteed to blow your mind,
-The Protomen
p.s. If you don’t know who Tiffany is… shame on you. Fix that immediately.
Tags: Protomen News by The Protomen
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If you’ve never seen us play Acts I and II, firstly, shame on you, and secondly, here’s your chance!
On January 14th and 15th, we’ll journey to the freezing tundra of the north…Virgina/DC, (listen, it’s north for us, especially during January) to play Acts I and II at MagFest ’11.
JANUARY
14th – Alexandria, VA – Hilton Mark Center (MAGFEST ’11) **ACT I
15th – Alexandria, VA – Hilton Mark Center (MAGFEST ’11) **ACT II
16th – Alexandria, VA – Hilton Mark Center (MAGFEST ’11) **NO SHOW. Hanging out…
This thing is going to sell out soon, so get on it. Seriously, it’s going to be one hell of a party.
CLICK ME FOR TICKETS!
We may seem quiet this winter, but believe me, we’re deep up in the busies. Since we’re not on the road right now, we’re using this time to make some fancy little ditties to sling your way next year. Get excited.
Also, don’t forget that the discount code: ********* at SoundMachineStore will go away soon….so make it count. (The Discount Code was Removed from this News Post. If you want fancy things like discount codes and free stuff from time to time, Sign Up On Our Mailing List. It’s exciting and fun!)
I just heard from Murphy that the Light Up The Night Shirts are now in stock, and being prepared for shipment.
Also, word on the street is that everyone you know has Act II on their wish list. Don’t disappoint them. The word won’t spread, unless you spread the word.
*NOTE* Don’t Sweat The Backorder Talk…we have plenty that are being dropped off at the distributor on Monday. Same goes for Act I.
See you at MagFest,
-Commander
Tags: Protomen News by The Protomen
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